Tonight at work, two men asked me what I thought about a current “hot political issue”. To them, this meant the Rev. Wright story. To them, this is something that trumps a candidates’ position on the economy, Iraq, etc… but whatever, I fielded it the best I could.They asked me, “Why didn’t Obama say what he said, denouncing that Wright guy when it first came up?”

I gently responded with, “He did, but in a manner that directly addressed WHY Rev. Wright might say those things. He didn’t say he agreed with them, he tried to explain in his speech that anger comes from somewhere - be it unfounded or otherwise.”

I also said that I thought forcing a candidate, be it Obama or Hillary, to be accountable for every mistake someone in their lives has made is unrealistic.

Though I said these things completely calmly, both men who had asked me told me to “relax” and said “oh, you’re really into this stuff, yeah?”

I should have known better.

I saw them share a laugh about me in the other room before one of them went home for the evening. “Ridiculous” is what I am 99.9% sure came out of his mouth.

Both of these men are self-described Democrats and one of them voted for Obama in the RI primary.
But I’m ridiculous?

The above is a fraction of what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was:

Personally, I feel that Obama answered those critics well, but he made the cardinal mistake of thinking that the general population of America is willing to really stop and think and try to understand the real issue at hand.

A black man stands at the head of a pulpit giving a sermon and in it he says awful things that he feels about America and white people, the corporate world, and the government. Now, just because he said these thoughts aloud - does this make him right for feeling that way? Does it make things he says any less hateful?

No.

I feel that what Sen. Obama tried to demonstrate with giving his speech,”A More Perfect Union“, has only reached a small amount of America’s population. The speech explains that comments like those of Rev. Wright are wrong, they are hurtful, they are detrimental to a peaceful society, but they come from somewhere. All hate originates from a place of pain and suffering. Every race, creed, sexuality, and gender is affected in someway by hateful speak - Sen. Obama was asking you to face that fact dead on, and fight it. Fix it.

Some were blown away that this candidate wrote such a direct, moving speech in his own words. (Does anyone realize how huge that is for a Presidential candidate?) Some who had been outraged at the Reverend’s comments actually listened to the speech and understood what Sen. Obama was trying to say. But most people said he didn’t say enough to completely separate himself from Wright, they weren’t happy, and this is all we’ve been hearing about since.

Then Rev. Wright strikes again.

Now Obama has to face this AGAIN and repeat himself - but dumb it down so the whole fucking country can get it now.

He completely separated himself from the pastor.  - Are people happy with that? Nope. It didn’t come “when it was most opportune.” Seriously?

What I don’t get is why people get up-in-arms if there is anti-White or anti-American speak, but choose to ignore slurs against other minorities. For example, what about the hate crimes and hate comments that are committed against the LBQT community? Over a MONTH ago, Sally Kern equated homosexuality to being a bigger threat than terrorism. REALLY. A bigger threat than terrorism? But was this speech all over the news being repeated and repeated so it somehow reached every, single American? Nope.

Why isn’t America so offended about that? Why didn’t that get replayed and replayed by Americans and discussed for every day on every major news media?

So I guess gay people aren’t American? They just don’t get factored into the same equation so they don’t receive the same response from the public?

I hate what Rev. Wright said, but I don’t blame Obama for it. HOW can you really be held responsible for every person in your life who says horrible things? If that were true for everyone, I would burn on the spot for some of the people I’ve known in my life. He distanced himself. He stated he doesn’t agree with the views that Rev. Wright is continuously spreading. What more is he supposed to do, have him knocked off so he REALLY can’t say anymore bullshit?

I mean, what the hell does the American public want?

I could tell you, but it wouldn’t be a nice thing to say and my mom raised me better than that.

~*~*~

You know, call me stupid but I like politics.

It’s sad to me that most people associate politics with corruption and disappointment while completely forgetting that politics are the basis of some of the most amazing events in our history. But you can’t really fault them much, because that is all we see. We see the clips and prepackaged stories that the media chooses to focus on, and for the most part we, Americans, are marionettes to the media’s wavering hands.

I am someone who, maybe naively, wants to change the world. I want to do things to get people to care about their futures and especially, the futures of people they don’t know. I want to connect people not divide them. Who knows how I’ll do it.

But I will.

I am almost drowning myself in definitions of ‘delegates, agency representation, and the whip majority system’ and my swimmies (if anyone doesn’t remember what those are, they are the inflatable things you stick on your arms to keep you afloat) are drinking coffee, reading the NYTIMES in between mock quizzes, and blowing my nose.

As I was doing two of the latter, I came across an article about the opinions of Indiana voters and how the Democratic candidates should be spinning their spiels come primary time [a week from this past Tuesday].

Apparently Indiana isn’t much for the whole “change” idea. Ha, talk about a slap in the face for both Clinton and Obama, right? Both of them have been running on “change” as the fundamental basis of their campaigns… and most states have been so well receiving that it’s made history. But oh NO! Not in Indiana… They are “queasy” of change.

“What are we going to change to?”, they ask. Example:

“What are we going to change to?” asked Ron O’Bryan, 58, a retired auto worker who said he was still trying to decide which Democrat to vote for in the May 6 primary. “You mean change to some other country’s system? What do you think they mean?”

I must ask, ARE THEY SERIOUS?

Thousands of jobs in Indiana alone have been lost, and they are unsure that change is in fact necessary?

This is a gem of a quote I found from the article I was reading:

“We are manufacturing workers, farmers, beer drinkers, gun owners, pickup drivers,” said Karen Lasley, 64, who was volunteering on Wednesday morning in Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s field office in Kokomo (one of 28 Mrs. Clinton has opened around the state along with Senator Barack Obama’s 22, including one just down the street). “We are full of pride for this country.”

Okay.

Okay, sorry I needed a second. To be clear: drinking beer, farming, owning a gun, and driving a pickup constitutes as pride for this country?

On a humorous note, I bet the journalist was salivating as she jotted down that quote thinking: “Wow, I didn’t even have to coax this one…”

So does that mean that every time I wake up hung over in the back of a pick up truck I am some how more patriotic than someone who drives a car that is eco-friendly, is an advocate for gun-control, and drinks red wine for his heart? Maybe I’m over simplifying, but whatever.

My point is that I’m in shock that no matter how “old fashioned” you want to be for yourself, can’t a person see that the this country is desperate for change? That no matter what, CHANGE can only benefit us?

My mother was a factory worker, then she was a cleaning lady, and now she works for the state of California. She grew up poorer than most and works harder than anyone I know. She is going to be 60 in less than two weeks, I am 25, and I make nearly as much as she does - working PART-TIME. Her mother is devoutly religious and has been for most of her life. There have been SO many reasons that she too could have the same feelings of nervousness towards change. With each year she gets older, money grows more important. What is she going to retire on? She should be”queasy of change” too, shouldn’t she?

But she isn’t. She is demanding it.

So what are the candidates supposed to do now? Turn their entire campaign slogans upside down and tell the voters of Indiana, “Oh don’t you worry, expect the status-quo from us. Change? Psssh, change is for sissies. Staying power, man… that’s what it’s about. Now pass me that beer and show me how to clean my new gun.”

Yeah, I’m sure that’ll work.

It’s gorgeous outside and I have to go to work in about an hour, boo hoo, but today isn’t all bad. I woke up fairly early thanks to Sebastian’s boredom, wailing, and walking all over me but I didn’t mind too much. He didn’t let me sleep in too late and being up and about helped me get some stuff done. I wrote a scholarship essay and sent it in. I got my laundry together so I can drop it off and not worry about it for the weekend. I ate a healthy lunch and I sang while I was in the shower. Life is pretty good.

Rewind: The last few weeks have been so intense at school. I’ve been writing paper after paper, taking exams, studying for exams after those have been taken… it’s nuts. The bright side is that the weather has been wonderful so I can sit in the sun in RIC’s quad, studying or talking to a friend on a bench. That is exactly what I have been doing… doesn’t that sound so stereotypically college student-y? B and I are great, more than great… Being in love feels healthy, like a cold glass of water after a long walk on a hot day.

Work is well, it’s what it will forever be but I’m adjusting to a different perspective on how to handle my feelings towards it.

I also had been deliberating applying for a spot as a Barack Obama fellow. I’d be working directly on the campaign and racking up some major community service organization hours. But the stress of school has worn me out and I wanted to spend the summer outside, riding my bike (that I’ll be buying soon), getting back in shape, and enjoying myself.

Present: I was nominated by my West Civ professor to work as a mentor on the Open Books Open Minds program during the fall semester. Everyone involved is required to read the book A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah and I, as a mentor, would be required to hold a book discussion, attend a few meetings, and just be a mentor to first year students.

Fast Forward: I applied for the Obama fellowship. I am seriously considering the Open Books Open Minds mentorship, I’m buying a bike in a couple weeks, and no matter what I do this summer I’m going to keep trying to feel good.

Other than that, I’m just saying what I need to say, doing what I need to do, and letting the rest fall into place.

Feeling a little better than last week, so I can’t (and won’t) complain (much).

Was actually fairly productive this weekend even though some of it was wonderfully lazy. Friday was definitely an off day but the evening brightened up, which set the stage for the rest of the weekend to follow suit. Saturday was my lazy day. B and I didn’t get out of bed/get moving until around four-ish. We picked up my laundry and went grocery shopping, then came home to make dinner. The evening was spent camped out on the couches that were pulled together like the foundation for a makeshift fort. Watched The Air I Breathe and The Number 23. Both movies are great… but neither are heralded so.  I think the problem facing ‘23 was that the film was marketed as a horror movie, when really it was more of a film noir-ish, detective story. The Air I Breathe wasn’t mass-marketed, thought it definitely should have been… if not for the sole reason that it would have been a decent revival of Brendan Fraser’s career. Snicker, go ahead.

Slept in late Sunday, B went home, I took care of some paperwork and the like… For some reason I got into this crazy domestic mood and cooked five separate meals and cleaned my apartment. I now have a clean house and tons of choices for dinner for the week. Yay.

All this is wonderful, however, it doesn’t make me super happy to go into work…

It’s cold and rainy outside, but I’m enjoying the grey light that comes with it. The silence is calming and necessary before another hectic night of endless phone calls, problems, and incompetence.

There are only five weeks left of the semester… then summer vacation. I thought I might get stir-crazy if I didn’t have something to do in the mornings during the break. I can’t afford to take summer courses at the moment so I’ve been looking for other alternatives. I actually ended up requesting more information (and plan to sign up) for Barack Obama’s Fellowship program for the summer. It starts in June, which is still a good chunk of vacation time, and requires about thirty hours a week. I’m not sure what the selection process will be but I hope it works out. I figure it will look good on a resume and/or application for grad school when the time comes.

Anyway, it’s getting late and I need to change for work… but I wanted to let myself (because I’m probably the only fool who reads my writing) know that I’m feeling better-ish. I wanted to write that part down, just in case I got confused.

It happens.

Still in a funk.

Is anyone else completely sick of the Democratic Primary race? I am. Though I am still an avid Obama supporter, I have grown tired of the sniping (ha, puns are fun) between the two candidates. This is the problem with Democrats. For the most part their policies make much more sense than the “hands-off” Republican tactics but in that same, specific example is their complete and utter downfall. There are so many voices, voices speaking words of wisdom, change, and experiences, that want to be heard that no one can even stand to listen for very long. This seems to be the case with both Senator Obama and Senator Clinton.

When the Primary race first started I viewed both of them, for completely different reasons, as qualified, electable candidates worthy of the Presidency. From a stance based solidly on personality, Clinton comes handy with her bite and obvious grit and Obama with a cool, calm demeanor and youth, full of hope and change. From a policy standpoint, let’s face it - they aren’t that different. So who do you choose? More importantly, HOW do you choose?

It seems this might be the reason why people (and the candidates themselves) are resorting to slamming them (read: each other) with every OTHER issue. Race. Bosnia. Husbands. Wives. Blah blah blah.

Here’s my thing: This race is dividing a divided country. Both candidates - my choice or otherwise are doing their part to hurt our chances of removing the Republicans from power. Both Obama and Clinton are speaking of change, of unification, but they’re doing the opposite with this prolonged, dirty, nonsensical race.

I’m not naive enough to think that politics is a clean playing field… I get how it works, but this election is TOO important to lose.

I wish that the political success-smoke would clear in front of BOTH of their eyes and they’d see why they really chose to run for commander in chief during such a crucial time in our country’s history.

Remember what matters.

One can only hope.